Farewell, Brian... Hello, ???

The deal is done.  I have bid Brian farewell.

Say hello to the newest member of my family.  He-who-has-not-yet-been-named is currently sitting in the parking lot with a whopping 29 miles on his Odometer.  I had to pass up several options in order to do the deal... but I got the better monthly payment... and the better fuel economy... and that was the whole reason in the first place.

Now it's time to come up with a name... any thoughts?

He-Who-Has-Not-Yet-Been-Named

30 Days of Me - Day 4: A habit that you wish you didn’t have

I wish I wasn't such a procrastinator.  I'm always one that will say "I'll do it later" when it really should be done now.   That's a short answer... but really... is there anything more than needs to be said there?  Maybe I'll come up with something later. ;)

Preliminary Farewells... or not

This may be the last evening my beloved Brian sits in the parking lot... then again it may not. LOL   I have an appointment tomorrow morning with Peoria Kia to investigate whether or not they may have a vehicle I can better afford.  With payments of close to $700 a month... and gas mileage that requires a Home Equity Loan to fund... I fear Brian's days are numbered.  He's been a great little truck.  I fell in love with him the first night I owned him... driving the freeways into the late evening hours.  But in the current economy, he's a luxury I can no longer afford.  Taking a 20% pay cut at work... and still having a behemoth of a monthly payment made him a very inviable means of transportation.

He really was an impulse buy to begin with.  Having been in a massive rear-end collision that totaled his predecessor, Justin, I really wanted a massive car around me... and Justin's younger sibling seemed like the perfect fit.  Justin was a 2001 Dodge Dakota Club Cab that made it 114,000 miles with no major mechanical defects at all.  Brian is at a mere 58,200 miles but I've owed him 1 year longer than I owned Justin.... and yet I still am starting to see the wear and tear on him.  Brian hasn't held up nearly as well as Justin did.  Too much plastic and economizing done by Dodge's corporate parents made their cars cheap... and it really shows on the resale values.

So onward, Tomorrow.  It all depends on what kind of deal they can offer me... and what kind of interest rate I can get... and if the numbers match up... I may have a new friend to name tomorrow night.  If that happens, I'll be posting again tomorrow asking for name suggestions for the new kid on the block. :)

As an aside... Some people have asked where Brian and Justin received their names from.  There are many possible references to both actually.   Justin came about because he was green... or jade in color... which led to named beginning with 'J'.  Also, Justin Timberlake was the crush of my boyfriend AJ at the time... and he helped name Justin the truck.  Finally, the hot show at the time was Queer as Folk... and as I was just coming out of my shell... Like Justin Taylor on QaF... Justin seemed to fit then too.  Brian on the other hand is Red... and thus Burgandy begot 'B' names.  Brian is also MY favorite Boy Band crush, Brian Littrell... and also Justin's love interest on Queer as Folk.  I didn't have a boy friend at the time... so Brian was all my idea for the name. :)

So what do you think?  Should I continue the naming convention and find another boy-band member/Queer as Folk Character?   Or start fresh?    Here's a pic of the model... but not necessarily the color... or the vehicle that I'm looking at...

30 days of Me - Day 3: A Picture of you and your friends.

This shot was taken at Blizzcon 2009, the first get together of the guild.  In the shot are my friends (L-R) Casey, Andrew, Michelle, and Corey.   Luv you guys! :)

30 Days of Me - Day 2: the meaning behind you blog name

My Deviant Life was created on the anniversary of the September 11th attacks... by mere coincidence there... not by design.  I had been reading news articles and scientific reports at the time regarding being gay... and was watching as patient after patient was being dubbed deviant.  Granted they were focusing on the history and how people were treated back in the day, but I though even today...  some 9 years after the initial viewing and probably some 30-50 years since the research was done... we're still considered deviant.

I decided to create a blog that was proud of that deviancy... and so My Deviant Life was born. :)   I hadn't originally intend it to ever be linked directly to me by name... but to instead be just a venting ground of an anonymous gay man living in the United States.  But as I became more and more comfortable, I've come out of the closet more and more... and finally revealed who I was to the blog.  I still like the title though. ;)

And So It Goes

I've been in kind of a depressing mood for most of the night... and just as I'm getting ready to finally crawl into bed the one song that pretty much says it all for me right now occurs on my iTunes playlist.  Oddly, these were also posted on this same blog over 3 years ago (See February, 2007) and yet still today I return to that same feeling.  "My silence is my self defense" has a different meaning for me than was originally intended but it's all the more poignant for my life.  My silence defends me from being ridiculed, outcast, and disowned.  I sometimes feel I've said too much... that I may be inadvertently outed myself to someone who wouldn't be as accepting.  I just wish I could embrace the later verses.  I don't think I could share my room (or closet in my case) with anyone right now... nor could I give my heart to someone.    And so it goes... and so it goes... and you, the readers, are the only ones... who know.


In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along


I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense


And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose


But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break


And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows


So I would choose to be with you
As if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break


And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

Courage Shattered

Tonight has been as close as I have ever come to telling my parents that I'm gay.  It's just been a trying day and I came home to even more crap where they wouldn't leave me alone... so much so that I contemplated just telling them to make them go away for a while.

Well I eventually calmed down... but still had the urge to tell them.  And given the current political climate, I was starting to think they might even be possibly accepting.  Boy was I wrong.

I brought up the topic of Gay Marriage when the news program we were watching remarked on the recent change in position (are the apparent position) of the Republican Party toward Gay Marriage.  She was shocked to hear the so many prominent figures in the Republican Party were taking such a position contrary to they're normal conservative values.  And suffice it to say the conversation ended abruptly with her attitudes changed to disgust over the situation.  So I went back to my room... or rather, my closet...

Scraping Paint

Getting my mother to let me have my own life is like trying to scrape paint off the Sistine Chapel's ceiling.... doable, but they'll hate you by the time you succeed.

I want to go down to Tucson to see some friends and my parents are saying they want to go down with me and go to the football.  I want to get out and do stuff on my own without their constant hovering but it's impossible! No matter how much I tell them it won't work, she doesn't give up and continues to try to invite herself along for the trip!  I finally just said mind it was only an idea so she would just let it drop.   But then she decides she needs to help my clean off my desk sometime this weekend.  My desk is FINE.  I know where everything is.  STOP FUCKING AROUND WITH MY SHIT AND MY LIFE, WOMAN!!

Ok... I'm better now... not really...

Somedays I wish I hadn't moved in with them...

Republicans Embrace Gay Marriage?

Ok... whoever passed out the Kool-Aid at the last Republican coffee clutch... I thank you!  Several Republicans are now starting to embrace Gay Marriage and Marriage Equality.  Well there's a breath of fresh air I hadn't expected to EVER hear...

30 Days of Me - Day 1: A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself

Welcome to September... and the first of 30 Days of Me!  First off a recent picture of me...

Does taking one this morning count? :)  Forgive the forlorn look... it's 9am and I'm just getting to work... and didn't really sleep well last night.  But hey... it wanted a recent pic right? :)

And now for the 15 interesting facts about me...

1. I'm allergic to milk (lactose intolerate) and it's been getting worse as I get older.  My diet has had to significantly change since I was 9 when I would drink a full glass at every meal.
2. I love to drive... aimlessly, sometimes.  Not exactly the cheapest habit to have with my truck or gas prices today... but it's just fun to be alone for a while... listen/sing along to the music while cruising down the road.
3. I use to play soccer in my youth... and was in a youth soccer program for 2 years... taking 6th place the first year and 4th the second.  (Yeah, the team I was on wasn't very good.)
4. I get motion sickness from rides like Star Tours and the old Star Trek Experience in Vegas.  That didn't stop me from going on them.  I dislike or am afraid of roller coasters as well because I fear they would probably generate the same feelings.
5. I loathe todays "Comic Geniuses"... ie: Will Farrell, Adam Sandler, the late Chris Farley...  they're brand of comedy embarrasses and disgusts me.  I can't stand to watch any of their films.  I do like Mike Myers most of the time though.
6. I despise the Fry's Grocery Store across the street from my apartment to the point of obsession.  It's one of the tiniest grocery stores I've ever been in yet it still thinks it can stock that same items you'd find in a Walmart SuperCenter.  The aisle widths barely let 2 carts go down it... yet they still stack piles of canned goods in the middle of the aisles so that you can barely get ONE cart through.
7. I listen to old-time radio shows... like Jack Benny, Sherlock Holmes, The Shadow.  I also listen to modern recordings from the BBC of Agatha Christie novels that have been dramatized for radio broadcast.
8. My movie collection is incredibly varied... from classic war films like Midway and Where Eagles Dare... to chick flicks like A Cinderella Story and The First Wives Club... to modern blockbusters like Transformers and 2012.
9. I hung out and worked at the library during high school rather than with friends... and got an award when I graduated for "Service to the Library".
10. I seem to cause school buildings to renovate or expand while there... but they never complete until after I've moved on.  My elementary school for 5th and 6th grades expanded with 10 new classrooms in a brand new wing that opened AFTER I moved on to Junior High.  Then the junior high renovated to become a Middle School the year AFTER I moved on to High School.  Then the high school completely renovated the campus including building a new administration building, library, and renovating the interior of the auditorium... all of which opened the year AFTER I graduated.
11. I love a sandwich shop in Tucson, AZ named Eegee's.  They have the most awesome deli grinder sub. I try to go there everytime I go to Tucson.
12. I use to build/work-on computers from 1997-2004 but then when it came time for me to get a new one, I bought a Dell.  Was tired of the troubleshooting aspect.  But now I'm ready to get another new one and I'm gonna build my own again.
13. When I was at community college starting in 1994, I couldn't WAIT to move out on my own and get my own place.  I finally did that by moving to Phoenix with the computer stores in 1999... but after I did, I missed my parents the first month.
14. I only talk to 1 of my friends from my high school days... and I didn't go to the ten year reunion in 2004.
15. Some sporting events I can really get in to.... others no.  And sometimes it's the same sport that I hate or dislike.  For example... sometimes I'll watch baseball... sometimes I'll be really into the game... while others I flip to another channel almost immediately.  The longer I'm watching the game, the more I'm into it.

Well that's it for the first installment of 30 days.  See ya next time. :)

30 Days of Me - Coming in September

Given how much fun I had with 30 Days of Truth, I decided to start looking for something to do in September.  I couldn't really find anything that interested me so I was gonna just continue spontaneous blogging.  But then Anna recommended something she posted over at her blog.  She found it here...  The 30 Days of Me... and it looks pretty cool.  So I'm gonna start with it tomorrow.  One thing for every day in September.  Sounded like a good match, right?

Here are the upcoming prompts...

Day 1- recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
Day 2- the meaning behind you blog name
Day 3- a picture of you and your friends
Day 4- a habit that you wish you didn’t have
Day 5- a picture of somewhere youve been to
Day 6- favorite super hero and why
Day 7- a picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
Day 8- short term goals for this month and why
Day 9- something youre proud of in the past few days
Day 10- songs you listen to when you are happy, sad, bored, hyped, mad
Day 11- another picture of you and your friends
Day 12- how you found out about blogger and why you have one
Day 13- a letter to someone who has hurt you recently
Day 14- a picture of you and your family
Day 15- put you ipod on shuffle: first 10 songs that play
Day 16- another picture of yourself
Day 17- someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
Day 18- plans/dreams/goals you have
Day 19- nicknames you have and why you have them
Day 20- someone you see yourself marrying or being with in the future
Day 21- a picture of something that makes you happy
Day 22- what makes you different from everyone else
Day 23- something you crave for a lot
Day 24- a letter to your parents
Day 25- what I would find in your bag
Day 26- what do you think about your friends
Day 27- why are you doing this 30 day challenge
Day 28- a picture of you from last year and now, how have you changed since then?
Day 29- in this past month, what have you learned
Day 30- your favorite song

Thanks, Anna for the referral :)

Proof of Fail

Well I can categorically now claim proof the AT&T Wireless's network is definately NOT the fastest 3G network around.  Their infrastructure must TOTALLY suck if they call this speed 3G.

As some may know, I have an iPad... and yes, I bought the iPad 3G version.  Not because of the wireless data antenna built in... but because of the GPS chip that was built in.  Only way to get once of those is through the 3G models.  The other WiFi only models only position you through some triangulation of signals... which is far less accurate.  But I digress...

Anyways, I turned on the AT&T service for a month... just to see if it was more convenient to have it built in to the iPad... rather than use my cell phone.  I have the Sprint HTC EVO 4G, though 4G service isn't yet available in Phoenix.  It does have mobile hotspot capability though... so it turns it into a WiFi hub for up to 8 devices.  So basically, it's Sprint's 3G Network via WiFi Mobile Hotspot... up against AT&T's 3G Network Built-In.

The Test?  A NetFlix movie streaming down through the app.  First up,  the Sprint connection.  I shut down the AT&T Wireless Data on the iPad and booted up the Mobile Hotspot.  The iPad was all setup and good to go.  Started Netflix, found a movie to stream (2012), and away we went.  Too a little while to load... but after it was up... no stutter.  None.   Good on ya, Sprint.

Now AT&T.  I shut down the WiFi hotspot and turned the AT&T Wireless back on.  To started the Netflix app back up (after hitting the home button to make it a more even test)... and instantly noticed a difference.  The app was slow to load my queue... and even slower still to buffer the movie.  And finally when it did play, 30 seconds in it stopped... to buffer more.  And it went on like this... and on... and on.

Conclusive proof that AT&T's network has to be the WORST 3G network around... and what's worse... the ONLY network that is available for iPhones and iPads.  Way to go, Apple!   Moral of the story?  Don't waste your time getting a data plan for the iPads from AT&T.   Just hook up to the Mobile Hotspots from Sprint.

Oh and did I mention costs?  True AT&T does have a $14.95 a month plan with no contract... that gets you 250mb of downloaded data per month.  Good if you're going emails... and not much else.  They also offer a $24.95 plan... for 2GB of data per month.  Slightly better... and still no contract.  But guess what Sprint has?   Mobile Hotspot option for the HTC EVO... $29.99 per month... UNLIMITED DATA... and still no contract other than your existing contract with the phone line already.

Sprint totally wins compared to AT&T...

The Facebook of Hate...

I woke up to this long post stream about gay marriage and illegal immigration.  Charged issues to be sure.  I feel I need to comment though.  But first...  the original post... then some disclosures.

AMY is wondering why people in this country feel illegals should be treated equally, if not better, than its own American citizens, yet have a cow and do everything they can to ban gay marriages? It seems as a whole, the country looks down on our American gay population yet throws free education and welfare at those who don't even belong here. I don't get it. How are our own people being treated fairly?

Now the disclosures...

I am gay. I'm not out to many people for fear of being discriminated against or hated for what I really am.  Though recently I have chosen to be more open about my life.

Secondly, I have had two incidents with illegal immigrants.  Since 2000 I've been the victim of identity theft.   My credit report continuously shows a "Juan Manriquez" and no matter how many times I try to get rid of them, they reappear.  And then I get the creditors calling to collect on his passed due car loan and his foreclosed house!  And the second incident is in 2005 where one crashed into the back of my truck, totaling it and then tried to get away.  Luckily the witnesses held him at the scene until the cops arrived. But he still gave false information and to this day they can't find him.  My back is still screwed up from the accident.

Now my comment...

I think the operative word here is illegal.  As stated above... I have no problems with any races or nationalities crossing the border legally on work visas, student visas, etc.  What I do take issue with is the pro-immigration groups and politicians playing word games and calling other illegal crossers "undocumented"... which is just a fancy term for "they didn't fill out the paperwork to be here legally"... which if reasoned to it's natural conclusion means they are here illegally and should have no rights or say under our laws.  When a person commits a crime in this country, they are sent to jail and stripped of several rights.  All of these so called "undocumented workers" have committed a crime the instant the crossed the border... and thus do not deserve any rights, consideration, or other benefits of their act.  The should not profit from their initial crime of illegal entry.  It would be like a burglar breaking into your home, eating your food, ringing up charges watching your pay-per-view, but then fixing your broken plumbing or painting your walls for you... and then expect to be rewarded despite them breaking in in the first place.

In regards to gay marriage, as a gay man it saddens me that I... an American citizen... cannot marry the person I live.  It is an afront to my pursuit of happiness promised to me by our Declaration of Independence.  Now I know that document is not an official guarantee of rights.  But it does describe what the Founding Fathers had in mind.  As does the constitution... which specifically separated the church from the state in this country.  If anyone can show how gays and lesbians having the right to marry whomever the choose is detrimental to the country's well-being and not bring up a religious argument to back up their claims, I will listen willingly and try to understand your point of view.  But I fear that this truly is a question of religion beginning to have more and more of a hold over the government.

One disclaimer I forgot...  I am a Christian... a Lutheran from birth.  I was baptized in the name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.  I am a believer that all who believe in him are saved.  I go to church every Sunday.  I have to hide my homosexuality from the church so I do not get persecuted or expelled.  I believe in their message for the most part.  But it is my religion and no one else's.  I do not force it upon other groups saying "You are going to hell".  I do not use it to breed hate, discrimination, or social unrest simply because it's what my religion teaches.

We have a great nation... a nation built upon several freedoms.  But every day, I fear our freedoms are being eaten away and replaced with hate towards it's citizens... and love towards it's criminals.