And So It Goes

I've been in kind of a depressing mood for most of the night... and just as I'm getting ready to finally crawl into bed the one song that pretty much says it all for me right now occurs on my iTunes playlist.  Oddly, these were also posted on this same blog over 3 years ago (See February, 2007) and yet still today I return to that same feeling.  "My silence is my self defense" has a different meaning for me than was originally intended but it's all the more poignant for my life.  My silence defends me from being ridiculed, outcast, and disowned.  I sometimes feel I've said too much... that I may be inadvertently outed myself to someone who wouldn't be as accepting.  I just wish I could embrace the later verses.  I don't think I could share my room (or closet in my case) with anyone right now... nor could I give my heart to someone.    And so it goes... and so it goes... and you, the readers, are the only ones... who know.


In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along


I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense


And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose


But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break


And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows


So I would choose to be with you
As if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break


And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows