I'm soo impressed with myself. I've managed to post an entry everyday for the past week! And they we're dinky entries either! Oddly enough, this is actually kinda becoming theraputic. I just feel so relaxed after publishing here. Probably cause this is giving me a place to get things off my chest. And with all the stress at work, the thing with my ex-, and just life in general, it's nice to have a release.

I didn't call the ex- at all today. It was hard too. I soo wanted to call him. In fact, I nearly did. But my cell phone didn't go through anyway so I gave up. But I was thinking about him a lot today. In a side note, I nearly ran out of gas today. The little gas tank thingie "dinged" at me while I was driving home. I forgot I wasn't in Justin so I'm not really sure exactly how long I had left on gas, but it couldn't have been much further. Justin let's you go another 90 miles after warning you that fuel may be needed! One thing is for sure, the tank is TINY! It took only like $16 (under 14 gallons) to fill it. That would have put Justin at just over half-a-tank! Now we'll see just how good the gas mileage is on this little guy. :)

I dropped Justin off this morning as scheduled. I probably won't see him again until next Wednesday or Thursday. So in the meantime, the other guy's insurance company is picking up the tab of a rental car for me. And one of their Direct-Bill agencies is Enterprise, which also happens to be basically right across the street from where Justin got dropped off! Convenient, huh? So now I have a white Mitsubishi Gallant 4-Door Sedan until I get my Ju-Ju back. It's not that bad of a car, but I already miss my truck. You sit so low in cars that you feel like you are in a pit. And now I'm just getting nit picky. Like the cupholder isn't as big as Justin's so I can't put a 64oz soda in the car with me anymore. Poopies....I miss Ju-Ju already. :(

I got sooo pissed at him (the ex-boyfriend) tonite, I hung up on him, one of the things he utterly hates. He refuses to take responsibility for his actions of the predicament he's currently in! It is so frustrating talking ot him trying to make him see that everything that's happened has been because of one stupid mistake he made. But he keeps blaming the cops..."cause they were involved." (Yes, it's a serious enough mistake that the Police are involved.) And gee, why were the cops involved in the first place? Hmm...I wonder...could it have been just coincidence?...nah....maybe bad luck?....nope. Gee, I can't think why. Couldn't have been what he did. The worse part is I don't know how to help him. That is the most frustrating. If he continues on this path, flirting with danger, taking risks, he's gonna wind up in jail eventually. And that's what I told him just before I hung up on him. "Go to jail, then. See if I f*&king care," to be precise. And that's the sadest part of all. I do care. I care too damn much to see him ruin his life like this. And there's nothing I can do about it.

Have you noticed all my recent posts contain hyperlinks to other pages? I'm trying something new. I'm putting at least one link in every post I publish. Just to kinda of enhance the surfability of the pages. Neat huh?

My Justin finally goes in for his cosmetic surgery tomorrow. Bright and early at 7am I'm dropping him off into the capable hands of Earnhardt Dodge-Hyundai's Body Shop. For those who might be joining our program already in progress, Justin was rear-ended back in January while I was helping some friends move. His bumper took the brunt of it, but it bent into the tailgate and scraped some paint. Anyway, while he's in there, I'll be driving a rental car which the insurance is paying for in full. YEAH!

Justin FINALLY dumped that bitch. :) Now if he'd only start "running plays from the other teams playbook". :)

Here's an odd one for you. I'm checking out the Pride info for Phoenix, which is available at www.azpride.org by the way, when I noticed that the volunteer orientation meetings take place at Augustana Lutheran Church? Um...I'm Lutheran, and I can tell you that homosexuality is considered "Sexually Immorality" by the church. So in the world did they get permission to use their facilities? Must be a WAY liberal synod to allow that! Maybe I should look into that! :) On the downer side, the festival is on April 13th, a day I'll be out of town. Poopies. :( And I really wanted to go to. It would have been my first Pride. Not that I'm really that 'out' anyway...but I think it would have been fun to go, even if I wasn't 'out'. Another step in my emerging process. Guess I'll just have to wait until next year. :(

I didn't mean to be harsh in Monopoly, but it unfortunately came off that way...and I realized it after I said it too. But what I was trying to do was let the game progress with my prices versus hers. Since the game is very driven by pricing, it matters who charges for what. Like I learned last night that if you build higher class buildings, you can charge more than competitors and the citizens of your town will pay it. But it's things like that, that I wouldn't be able to learn, if I just keep setting the same prices across the board. I guess I should have said something about me trying something different, rather than shooting her down as badly as I did...and for that I'm sorry. I was in a nasty mood last night after playing Counterstrike for a while. But that really isn't an excuse...and the only way I got knocked out of the foul mood I was in was by hurting someone I really care a lot about. :(

I'm so tired of this. I've got soo many things on my mind that everything is piling up on me. Today was my day off, so I lounged around the house for most of the day. But last night, I met with the ex-boyfriend. He's gotten into some trouble recently, and now is just as lonely as me...though he hasn't broken up with the new guy. They just can't see each other for like 3 years or something. Anyway, he almost spent the night here. He wanted me to pick him up cause he didn't want to go home. (Some family trouble or something.) But anyway, I originally agreed. Yeah, I know...bad idea. And I realized it too...before I went to get him. So I called and said I wasn't coming cause I couldn't trust myself. And he understood. But last night was a very lonely night.

Then today, I hooked up with Janell online and actually got to play some CounterStrike. And since I haven't played in soo long, I needed a refresher course. Then she suggested we get a couple others to come in and play, since we pretty much had the server to ourselves. But before we knew it, 4 or 5 other people had joined, mostly friends of hers....and that is exactly what I didn't want....to play with someone she knows and tells that I'm a friend. Cuase then I just make her look bad to her clan members. And let me tell you, I suck....my play is just...well...horrific. She says I need to practice, which is probably true. But I don't really want to ruin everyone's game while I try to figure out which button does what! Half the time I lose the level for the team. So after doing that for a few times, I quit...which only just pissed off Janell and frustrated me.

I just need alone time again...but I'm sick of being alone.