The Tucson Trip

I took a short trip down to Tucson after work yesterday to meet up with an old friend and head out to a gay bar.    I'd been to a couple gay-run restaurants/bars up here in Phoenix, but hadn't been to one done in Tucson before. And actually, it's been about 5 years since I had been to one up here!

But in keeping with my new philosophy of getting myself out there, I decided to do it.  The bar was a little hole-in-the-wall country bar that was more of a lesbian bar than a gay bar.  Some small sports theming in the upper room but the majority of the bar was a dance floor and 2 pool tables on a lower level.  With country music being played by the DJ... at least, mainly country music.  Here's an example of some of the songs they played...

• Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy) - Big & Rich
• Mr Mom - Lonestar
• YMCA - Village People
• She Bangs (Spanish Version) - Ricky Martin
• Raining Men - Weather Girls
• Car Wash - Shark Tale Mix

So yeah... just a bit of an eclectic mix.

We arrived on apparently a "theme" night.... Bermuda Shorts and Boots.  First off lemme say this is NOT a good combination fashion-wise.  Whoever came up with the theme should be shot.  But several bar patrons showed up like that.  While I say the bar is more lesbian (it's owned by a former lesbian couple who have since split up, I guess), it did have a few gay men there, too.  Granted they were all over 55...

It actually was pretty fun just sitting there watching the fun.  There was a drag queen there too who did a few songs... but I just enjoyed the music and watching the crowd dance... from the safety of a table in the corner.  (Hey, I'm just starting to get my feet wet, ok?  Baby steps... LOL)

I might do it again... but I can't do it very often.  For one, the drive to Tucson takes a LOT of gas from Brian... and two, I can only come up with so many cover stories to visit Tucson and stay late into the night.  You can't exactly meet website clients at 11pm can you?

30 Days of Truth - Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

I bet you thought I forgot about day 11.  Well... I didn't.  It's just been a very busy couple of days.

I guess the area in which I receive the most compliments is in my technical knowledge.  For some reason technology just comes easy to me.  So much so that I think I don't really know that much, but everyone tells me I'm advanced in the field.  I think it's more a case of that they just haven't met the right people. :)  I do know my way around a computer... could even build one from parts... and software seems to just like me.  So either I'm very gifted, I have an aura that makes technology work, or all my family and friends really don't know anything about this stuff.

No offense, everyone! :)

30 Days of Truth - Week in Preview

Here's a look at the next 7 days of the '30 Days of Truth' series so you can see what's coming up next...

Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.

30 Days of Truth - Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

Welcome to the 10th day of 30 Days of Truth.  With this post we are now a third of the way through the project and I must say it's been interesting and very insightful coming up with these things.  It's definitely making me examine my life more... which was it's intended purpose.

Someone I need to let go or wish I didn't know... hmm, this one might just be the toughest one to date.  Because for the others I had some idea of what direction I was going to go.  This one is a total mystery to me.  I don't have many friends or acquaintances to begin with.  And the ones I do have I don't have any issues with.  But if there was one person that I wish I didn't know it would probably be a friend of my boss... who will remain nameless for this exercise... but who is constantly calling me at the office for technical support on his home computers.

Now that I run my own business on the side, this is like giving away free support to him.  And if the support actually benefited the company I work for full-time, I wouldn't mind so much.  But because these are his home PC's... he does NO business with us... I feel like he's just mooching off of my time and knowledge without any payoff.

Vegas, Baby!

Well here is the more in-depth look at the Vegas trip that I promised. :)  We drove up on Monday morning, leaving the house around 6am.  We took the parent's car since it gets MUCH better gas mileage than mine and also needed to get out on the highway more anyways.  Over a year old and it only has 6200 miles on it.

Anyways, we went up through Wickenburg, Wikieup, and Kingman... but then went off through Bullhead City and Laughlin rather than over the Hoover Dam. (Mom doesn't like mountains.)  I took over driving around Vegas since I knew the city better and was more comfortable driving around in heavy traffic.

More in-depth journal entries after the jump...

30 Days of Truth - Day 09: Someone you didn't want to let go, but just drifted.

I have let many friends drift away... mainly because most of them didn't really know me.  At least not the me I am today.  But also, most of them were mere acquaintances from High School and none were really what I would call good friends.  I'm not very good and keeping friends.  Even Janell and I have drifted apart in the past mainly because of me... but we've always managed to come back together at some point.

I guess the one person who did drift and never did return was my best friend in Elementary up through Freshman year in high school, Mark.  He and I use to be inseparable.  His dad worked at the high school so we were able to be on a similar schedule.  But after Freshman year... I'm not sure what happened.  I think he matured into himself and I did not.  And as a result, we just never hung out anymore.

I often wonder what did happen with him.  I've heard snippets about him still being in Tucson, but I honestly couldn't tell you if he is or not.  He never knew (or at least I never told him) that I was gay.  He was a good friend, but I guess we just grew apart and never were the same again.

Tired...

Just getting back from Las Vegas.  Was there for a business conference for the last few days... and while it was a nice change of scenery, it's nice to be home.

While there, I stayed at the Aria hotel and let me tell you... those rooms are awesome.  Especially for a gadget geek like myself.  The entire room is automated.  Upon first entry, the room lights gradually brighten and the curtains automatically open to show you the view.  The TV turns on to some uplifting music and presents you with a menu of options including lighting, temperature, and curtain controls. (SQUEEE!!)  Sorry... got all high-school-girl on you there...

Anyways... I'm home now, but I'm also dead tired.  So I'm probably going to crash and report more in depth tomorrow. :)

30 Days of Truth - Day 08: Someone who treated you like hell, or made your life shit.

Alas... many could fit into this category.  But I'm going to be general in my answer because they all fit into a similar group.  Boyfriends.  I have had 4 what you would call "steady" boyfriends.  Ones that lasted more than just one date, anyway.  But each of them has taken me for granted... and used me in some way or anything.

I was too much of a dating newbie to know any better with the first boyfriend.  His name was AJ.  We were going to take it slow... he had a girlfriend, was bisexual, and this was more of an experimentation for me than anything else.  Could I get use to kissing a guy despite my upbringing?   Well somewhere along the way it got serious.  The 'L' word was exchanged (no, not THAT L word from Showtime..) and things progressed way further than they should have.  So we broke it off but stayed in touch.  Eventually, he broke it off with his girlfriend... and told me he wasn't ready for a relationship so soon.  Apparently that lasted just 2 days because he suddenly was in another relationship.  Number 2 wasn't much better.  He used me to solve a few of his personal issues then discarded me.  Similar to Number 3 as well.

By Boyfriend #4 I was very cautious.  Jack came by way of boyfriend #1.  I had sort of forgiven AJ by this time and we were speaking again.  He wanted me to meet his new boyfriend, Jack.  Jack was a nice enough guy... but I started to see the signs from AJ again that I had failed to recognize when I dated him.  Signs that would point to the inevitable pain and break-up that would befall Jack, much like it had me before.  But Jack saw them too... and started to question what their relationship meant.  Eventually, Jack said something point blank to me and I couldn't hold back anymore.  He said "If AJ continues like this, someone is going to get hurt" and before I knew it I was saying "Someone already has."  He of course caught on that it was me... and we talked for a while after that.  I guess you could say I ruined the relationship for AJ and Jack that night.  But Jack was grateful... so much so that we started seeing more of each other... until we actually become a couple.  We were together for over 6 months.  He was my longest relationship to date... even progressing to an engagement.  But that was short lived as well.  And I should have seen that one coming too.

During our relationship we ran into AJ numerous times since we liked to hit the same gay bars & restaurants.  I guess it was more of a "show me off" kind of thing to Jack... he was rubbing it in AJ's face that I had him and AJ didn't.  Shortly after the engagement, he broke it off with me... saying I wasn't confrontational enough. I didn't argue with him as often as he liked. (?!?)  Well I later learned this was approximately the same time AJ had moved out of town... so the need to show him up wasn't there anymore.

I guess I'm prone to failure in relationships... and that's why the entire category of "Boyfriends" gets the dubious title of "Someone who treated you like hell".

30 Days of Truth - Day 07: Someone who has made your life worth living for.

This one is very easy for me... because without her, I doubt I'd be writing this blog or be as open as I'm being. She was the first person I came out to... my best friend for over a decade now.  We drifted apart at times, but always manage to find one another...

This one is gonna be a bit of a long post to give you a back story of how we met.  So rather than have it all on the main blog, I'll put it after the jump. ;)

30 Days of Truth - Day 06: Something you hope you never have to do.

Well this one is pretty depressing to think about... so I'll make this short.  There are many things I hope I never have to do... like mourn my future husband or a child.... or the more mundane like declare bankruptcy or be evicted from my home.  I also hope I never have to call someone to come bail me out of jail... (thought I'd end on a lighter note to make this easier...)

To Vegas!

What an ungodly hour!  5:20am... the sun is just beginning to creep over the horizon in the East as I pack for the trip to Vegas.  Normally, I pack the night before... but some of my clothes for this trip don't take too kindly to being folded... so I decided to wait until morning to give them minimum time in the suitcase.  Aren't I a nice Clothes Horse? :)

We should be hitting the road around 6am (approx 38 minutes from now)... with an ETA in Vegas of around Noon.  Maybe I'll get a blog in from the road... who knows. :)

30 Days of Truth - Day 05: Something you hope to do in your life.

For this one... let's throw out all the improbable options... like "Win the Lottery" or "get into bed with a celebrity crush".  (which, honestly, I probably have a better chance of doing than winning the lottery...)   Something I hope to do in my life... how about something really simple that has eluded me thus far.  Find a boyfriend that loves me for me... and spend our lives together, openly and without fear.

This kind of brings together a few previous days of truth and actually seems like a good thing to start the week on... with a recap of a couple days from last week.  On Day 3 I said I needed to forgive myself for living a life in fear.  When I started back at this blog, I made the decision to no longer hide.  I decided I would change my Facebook profile and start coming out of my shell more.  And I'm happy that I can say I've kept that up.  I'm happier in who I am these days... and it's also kick started me on the path to losing some of that fear and finding someone to love.

On Day 2, I mentioned I love change... this decision to finally "digitally come out" was not an easy one... but a necessary one. Because while I've been pushed back into the closet at home... online I'm able to be who I really am... and live a life (online at least) without fear.

Finally on Day 1, I mentioned my indecisiveness... which to be honest is also partially fear-driven.  I fear what the decision may mean for the future.  As an example, I went back and forth with myself about being open online.  Would the old friends who didn't know still accept me?  Would anyone see the posted info that could lead to troubles at home or at work? I eventually decided I HAD to do it... because while my real-life became more and more constricted, I was able to find a new release and be who I really was in the digital world.

All of this has led up to today... Day 5... and what I hope to accomplish with these changes.  I hope to find Mr. Right... not just Mr. Right Now.  I hope to experience a love like nothing I'd felt before.  And I hope it lasts for the rest of my life.