30 Days of Me - Day 20: Someone you see yourself marrying or being with in the future

I have no prospects in this regard.  Well, I take that back... there are several people I could see spending the rest of my life with.  The problem is they are all straight... as far as I know. ;)

Out of Focus

I can't concentrate today. I shut my office door right after I came in this morning. I've already gotten an email from the office manager making sure I'm ok in here. I told her I shut my door to concentrate... but I can't get my mind to focus. I had a rough night and now I'm just unable to get my mind wrapped around the programming I'm suppose to be doing.

Happy Father's Day...

...to all the Dad's out there. I'm heading down now to meet up with the family for Dad's Day. We're just going out to dinner and then I'll be heading back home. I'm sure the conversation will inevitably turn to why I don't have a girlfriend...

I just love family gatherings.... :S

Happy Days

My best friend Janell's birthday was today. It was going to be pretty depressing for her cause shes been stuck in the hospital with a headache problem since Friday Night. So I decided to surprise her and took the day off of work. But after I surprised her, she received an even better surprise... she got released and was able to go back home so that was pretty awesome.

Another pretty awesome aspect of my trip down was I got to meet someone new. ;) We've been emailing back and forth for the last few days and today I got to meet him face to face. his name's Corey and I REALLY enjoyed his company today. We just kind of hung-out at the malls and then had dinner together. It was a nice peaceful afternoon and I really enjoyed just talking with him. He's probably going to be reading this (since I gave him my site address) so HI COREY! ;)

Well I think I'm going to hit the sack now. I've been up since 5am and have been long-distance driving for at least 4 hours of the day. Catch you all later.

I wish...

...I could let someone into my room. But I fear there are too many locks on the door... I'm not even sure there is a door anymore... And So It Goes... (thanks, Billy Joel)

In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along

I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense

And every time I’ve held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose

But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break

And this is why my eyes are closed
It’s just as well for all I’ve seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you’re the only one who knows

So I would choose to be with you
That’s if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break

And so it goes, and so it goes
And you’re the only one who knows

Four Years...

Has it really been that long? It's coming up on 4 years since I had a boyfriend. Four years since I've seen anyone steady enough to consider it a relationship. Unfortunately, Valentine's Day has been destroyed for me. It used to be a fun holiday... romantic... but that is all in the past. Valentine's Day 2003 I was proposed to by the man I loved. By mid March, it was over. It fell apart so quickly afterwards. Maybe I should have seen it sooner. Maybe I'm too naive. The tricks he used... the methods... all to get back at his ex... using me.

I'm tired... so very tired... of being untrusting... of being unable to love again... of everything. And I really just don't give a fuck anymore.