And So It Goes

I've been in kind of a depressing mood for most of the night... and just as I'm getting ready to finally crawl into bed the one song that pretty much says it all for me right now occurs on my iTunes playlist.  Oddly, these were also posted on this same blog over 3 years ago (See February, 2007) and yet still today I return to that same feeling.  "My silence is my self defense" has a different meaning for me than was originally intended but it's all the more poignant for my life.  My silence defends me from being ridiculed, outcast, and disowned.  I sometimes feel I've said too much... that I may be inadvertently outed myself to someone who wouldn't be as accepting.  I just wish I could embrace the later verses.  I don't think I could share my room (or closet in my case) with anyone right now... nor could I give my heart to someone.    And so it goes... and so it goes... and you, the readers, are the only ones... who know.


In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along


I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense


And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose


But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break


And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows


So I would choose to be with you
As if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break


And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

Will I...

Will I lose my dignity?
Will someone care?
Will I wake tomorrow,
from this nightmare?


from Rent

Defying Gravity

Something has changed within me 
Something is not the same 
I'm through with playing by the rules 
Of someone else's game 
Too late for second-guessing 
Too late to go back to sleep 
It's time to trust my instincts 
Close my eyes: and leap! 

It's time to try 
Defying gravity 
I think I'll try 
Defying gravity 
And you can't pull me down! 

the vision's hazy...

I <3 Idina. ;)

So if you care to find me...
look to the western sky!
As someone told me lately,
Everyone deserves a chance to fly!
I'm defying gravity,
and you won't bring me down!

www.idinamenzel.com

Eventide

Abide With Me; fast falls the eventide;
The darkness deepens; Lord with me abide.
When other helpers fail and comforts flee,
Help of the helpless, O abide with me.

Hold Thou Thy cross before my closing eyes;
Shine through the gloom and point me to the skies.
Heaven’s morning breaks, and earth’s vain shadows flee;
In life, in death, O Lord, abide with me.

I've loved this song's tune for a while. But it's lyrics are just as powerful to me these days.

Broken Vow

Tell me his name
I want to know
The way he looks
And where you go
I need to see his face
I need to understand
Why you and I came to an end

Tell me again
I want to hear
Who broke my faith
in all these years
Who lays with you at night
When I'm here all alone
Remembering when I was your own

I let you go
I let you fly
Why do I keep on asking why
I let you go
Now that I found
A way to keep somehow
More than a broken vow

Tell me the words
I never said
Show me the tears
you never shed
Give me the touch
That one you promised to be mine
Or has it vanished for all time

I let you go
I let you fly
Why do I keep on asking why
I let you go
Now that I found
A way to keep somehow
More than a broken vow

I close my eyes
And dream of you and I and then I realize
There's more to love than only bitterness and lies
I close my eyes

I'd give away my soul
To hold you once again
And never let this promise end

I let you go
I let you fly
Why do I keep on asking why
I let you go
Now that I found
A way to keep somehow
More than a broken vow.

I wish...

...I could let someone into my room. But I fear there are too many locks on the door... I'm not even sure there is a door anymore... And So It Goes... (thanks, Billy Joel)

In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along

I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense

And every time I’ve held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose

But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break

And this is why my eyes are closed
It’s just as well for all I’ve seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you’re the only one who knows

So I would choose to be with you
That’s if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break

And so it goes, and so it goes
And you’re the only one who knows

Running Thru My Head

I don't know why, but I've fallen in love with the music behind the promo for the new ABC show "Brothers and Sisters". I've got it stuck in my head. I originally just loved the beat of the music. I tried to catch a few of the lyrics and did a search on the web. Turns out the song is "We Live" by the group Superchic[k]. Now I'm in love with the lyrics. ;)

We live we love, We
forgive and never give up
Cuz the days we are given
are gifts from above
and today we remember
to live and to love.