A Shadowy Flight?

We'll see... -.-

Quotation

I get sick of listening to straight people complain about, "Well, hey, we don't have a heterosexual-pride day, why do you need a gay-pride day?" I remember when I was a kid I'd always ask my mom: "Why don't we have a Kid's Day? We have a Mother's Day and a Father's Day, but why don't we have a Kid's Day?" My mom would always say, "Every day is Kid's Day." To all those heterosexuals that bitch about gay pride, I say the same thing: Every day is heterosexual-pride day! Can't you people enjoy your banquet and not piss on those of us enjoying our crumbs over here in the corner?

-Rob Nash

Foodz

Chewy Chips Ahoy rock my sox off.

Existence is Futile

I already don't exist in real life, why should the virtual world be any different? I've only been trying to get people to help level my Paladin faster so that we have additional healing in WoW... but no one has helped. Now I get asked to invite new alts to the guild.... of officers who have 70s who could be helping. Guess what class they are? PALADINS! And already level 14?!

Why do I even bother playing this game anymore, if no one cares that I'm there in the first place. My level 47 pally doesn't need help I guess... they'd rather build new ones.

Late Night Insomnia

Yet another sleepless night for me. I went to be nearly 2 hours ago, and as you can see, I'm still up. So I decided to come blog. This thing has always been fairly theraputic for me... (when I'm emotionally imbalanced is really the only time I post these days)... So I thought I would go back to it again. Maybe it will work again... to help me get out of these feelings I've been having for the last few days.

Anyways... I shouldn't sit here and continue to stare at the screen. I'm crawling back into the bed again... maybe I'll actually get some sleep this time...

One can only hope...

Never Free

I'm coming to the realization that I'll never be free of my parents influence... and therefore I'll never be able to live my life the way I want.

As I posted here long ago, my parents are very religious... and coming out to them just isn't an option. It would destroy them and with so few years left, I've always been of the opinion to let them spend their declining years in happiness and not upset them. I know that sounds pretty morbid actually... because in effect I'm waiting for them to pass away so I can live my life the way I want. But last night, someone in my online game said something to me that totally tossed that right out the window.

Being a religious family, one of their core beliefs is there is a Heaven where we go when we die... and that God has prepared a place for us there. I hold this particular belief to be true as well. While I don't perscribe to all their religious views, this one makes since to me. That said, for some reason I never thought about them leaving this world and being in Heaven... yet still being able to look down upon me and my life. So when this guy said "Don't you think it would be better for you to tell them the truth, rather than have them find out after they're in Heaven looking down on you?"... it totally knocked me down.

I went to bed crying last night... because my life seems over now. I can't live my life the way I want now... and I won't be able to in the future either. They'll always be with me... watching me... and that is totally scaring me now. What if I slip up or do something they wouldn't approve of? What happens if I fall in love with someone and I can't do anything about it because they're a guy? I'll never be able to date who I want, fall in love, or experience true happiness.

I've never wanted to hurt my parents. It's why I've concealed this for so long. But now it seems I'm destined to hurt them no matter what I do... and I'm not sure I can live with that.

I still feel?

I'm online... in a game... with thousands of players... and I still feel alone.
I'm in a game... in a guild... with lots of old friends... and I still feel alone.

I'm ignored... I'm unnoticed... I'm unimportant...

yet above all... I still feel... alone.