I'm so tired of this. I've got soo many things on my mind that everything is piling up on me. Today was my day off, so I lounged around the house for most of the day. But last night, I met with the ex-boyfriend. He's gotten into some trouble recently, and now is just as lonely as me...though he hasn't broken up with the new guy. They just can't see each other for like 3 years or something. Anyway, he almost spent the night here. He wanted me to pick him up cause he didn't want to go home. (Some family trouble or something.) But anyway, I originally agreed. Yeah, I know...bad idea. And I realized it too...before I went to get him. So I called and said I wasn't coming cause I couldn't trust myself. And he understood. But last night was a very lonely night.

Then today, I hooked up with Janell online and actually got to play some CounterStrike. And since I haven't played in soo long, I needed a refresher course. Then she suggested we get a couple others to come in and play, since we pretty much had the server to ourselves. But before we knew it, 4 or 5 other people had joined, mostly friends of hers....and that is exactly what I didn't want....to play with someone she knows and tells that I'm a friend. Cuase then I just make her look bad to her clan members. And let me tell you, I suck....my play is just...well...horrific. She says I need to practice, which is probably true. But I don't really want to ruin everyone's game while I try to figure out which button does what! Half the time I lose the level for the team. So after doing that for a few times, I quit...which only just pissed off Janell and frustrated me.

I just need alone time again...but I'm sick of being alone.