It's About Time

I never post to this thing. Ever. I really should get more on top of things because I really do want to maintain this journal so I can look back and see how lame my life has always been.

I've been in a weird mood this last week or so. One of my old flames has come back into my life...Well I should say is "attempting" to come back into my life. I'm not sure about letting him in or not. If you haven't read past entries in this blog I highly recommend reviewing the situation with Boys #1, 2, and 3. Boy #1 is back... actually e was boy #1... my first boyfriend, if you could call it that. I honestly don't know what he thought of me as... a fling, an experiment. In the beginning, that's all it was suppose to be. But you know what happens when the heart gets involved.

Now I don't know what I'm going to do with him. I was hurt badly by him...more than once. Sometimes it wasn't even directly his fault, but it wound up being because of him... I doubt he even knows about that. Yet after all the pain, the heartbreak, the abuse...my heart just doesn't want to let him go. I still have very strong feelings for him, some good and some bad. So while I'm wanting to see him again... I'm also HATING that I want to see him and HATING him for what he's done in the past. It's started to affect things both at home and at work. I'm tired all the time, but can't sleep. I'm just bored with everything, and I just don't really care about anything anymore.

I thought I had gotten over him.
I thought enough time had past.
I thought I didn't need anyone anymore.
I thought I was happy alone.
I thought...